Question 2
a) Describe your relationships with the significant people in your life. To whom do you reach out for support?
YAY! I get to talk about the people love!
Oh God! I have to talk about the people that I love.
Dear God, help me talk about the people that I love.
I'm a keeper. If you walk into my life and affect me, I keep you. My friends and family are the most incredible people on the planet. I know that I said that I am on the other end of the phone at 3 am if you need me, but my people are there too. Anytime I have reached out for a hug, shoulder or sounding board they are here for me. They are strength and support, they are love and comfort. I believe the friends you chose are a reflection of who you are, Everything that I believe myself to be, I know my friends to be and more.
I think that when you decide you want to go into ministry you expect skepticism and questions, I know I expected a lot of questions from my eclectic group of friends. My friends and family unanimously were behind me and are engaged in the process. Their interest encouraged me to blog what it happening in my life as I go through the Discernment process and into school. In fact, in the moments when I write "what am I doing?" they are the first ones to remind me why I am here and why they think I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I am grateful everyday for their presence and support. The people that make up my friends come from all times and stages in my life. Elementary and High School, University, Church, Theatre and Work. Some I have known since I was 4 and others I've know for a year.
My family is is the biz, so to speak. I feel so far from them sometimes physically, but they are always close when I need them to be even if it's on the phone. My husbands family has embraced me like I am blood and protect me and love me with the same fierceness they do each other. I am so grateful for them.
My husband - my husband. He asks the right questions, challenges me to think critically and would support me in anything as long as he thought it wouldn't be damaging to myself and the family. I've made a commitment to my family and they will always come first, and they have committed to me that they will help me however they can.
I make friends easily but those closest to me, they are my world.
Beki
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Monday, September 26, 2011
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Musicals
I Love Love Love Musicals.
They don't really even have to be good ones. If people are singing and dancing and happy at the end I'm hooked. In someways I think R* thinks this is a deficiency in me, because I am not more selective, critical. More like him. Meh. Then I wouldn't be me. I like things that make me happy and feel good. Enough things are happening that don't make me feel that way, so, to coin an overused phrase, "Sue Me".
However, after watching High School Musical 3, for the 3rd time. (and to clarify, no I do not think this is a "good" musical, but I still like it) I think that there is a downside to this love love love affair with musicals. I have constantly got the urge to sing in public, and desperately wish I could live in a musical. I want to have that kind of, gees I don't even know what the word is.
Why is it that as adults we have to abandon all that High School goodness. Again, please don't think for a second that I found High School to be full of High School Musical goodness. I did not. Sigh. But I wanted it, I wanted it. But now as a 35 year old woman, wife and mother of two . . . I still want it. There were desperate moments of LIFE in my past that I really do want to find again. When I did something because I wanted to see someone (Lord help me who who it may have been) more than anything. Get into my car at 11 pm drive for 2 hours to spend the night with someone and then get back into the car at 7 am to be back at class for 10am. Why don't 'grownup' people do that anymore. And moreover, why the couldn't I find someone who wanted to do that for me. (my fab R* did of course drive all 1600 km to see me for a weekend once) But where does that romantic urge go? Is it my fault? Have I managed to 'let myself go' to an extent that no one feels compelled to wake me up at 3 because they can't wait to tell me something. (thought I was going somewhere else didn't you) How is it that you inspire that kind of passion in your life? In your friends, lovers, children, in your family, but mostly, in yourself. It is true apathy reins supreme.
Aren't you sick of it. I think that is why so many theatre romances happen. Because, in that moment, it is so much better than anything real life has to offer. Well, perhaps I want to give it up. Pack up my family and move onto a stage. Once you play a part for long enough couldn't it become real? I know that dissatisfaction with your life can really only be placed in your own lap. Own it and change it if you want to, but for God's sake stop complaining.
What could have been couldn't. Really. The "What If" game is crap. What we have is of our own making. We have etched the path we are on. Allowed others to etch beside us. We are affected by who we chose to be affected by. There are many who glide past us who we chose not to see, and others who are welcomed in and others who invade. Perhaps opening our eyes to those gliding past would have taken us in a different direction. But you know I am not sure if I believe that is true. To do that you would have had to be a different you. Different people would have come in and others still glide by.
The musical - and sometimes just a good ol' chick flick leaves me feeling like I am not doing enough. I try. At least I tell myself I do. I tell my family I love them. I still do things just to catch R*'s attention. (a lot like when we were first together) I wonder sometimes why I do that, is it insecurity? After 13 + years I should be well past that. Maybe it is just me trying to jump out of the comfort zone and remind him that we still have a life with each other to live outside of our house, jobs and children. But I wonder if he feels like he should still be trying to impress me. If not *damn it* how do I get him to try and impress me again. (at this point I would like to remind my handful of readers - Literally on one hand - that he does indeed read this, or at least I send it to him, and this is not me being passive aggressive and trying to get him into things without actually talking to him . . . I SWEAR HONEY it isn't. I just write what I'm thinking and you lucky sucks get to read it . . . if you chose)
I want passion in all aspects of my life. I want to inspire someone to be the best person they can be. I want to drive someone to distraction, I want to feel like I can do anything. Live, planned and unplanned adventures and to thrive, not just survive. Really in so many ways a truly apathetic word. Wouldn't you like to do more than just survive?
I Want That.
Love Be
They don't really even have to be good ones. If people are singing and dancing and happy at the end I'm hooked. In someways I think R* thinks this is a deficiency in me, because I am not more selective, critical. More like him. Meh. Then I wouldn't be me. I like things that make me happy and feel good. Enough things are happening that don't make me feel that way, so, to coin an overused phrase, "Sue Me".
However, after watching High School Musical 3, for the 3rd time. (and to clarify, no I do not think this is a "good" musical, but I still like it) I think that there is a downside to this love love love affair with musicals. I have constantly got the urge to sing in public, and desperately wish I could live in a musical. I want to have that kind of, gees I don't even know what the word is.
Why is it that as adults we have to abandon all that High School goodness. Again, please don't think for a second that I found High School to be full of High School Musical goodness. I did not. Sigh. But I wanted it, I wanted it. But now as a 35 year old woman, wife and mother of two . . . I still want it. There were desperate moments of LIFE in my past that I really do want to find again. When I did something because I wanted to see someone (Lord help me who who it may have been) more than anything. Get into my car at 11 pm drive for 2 hours to spend the night with someone and then get back into the car at 7 am to be back at class for 10am. Why don't 'grownup' people do that anymore. And moreover, why the couldn't I find someone who wanted to do that for me. (my fab R* did of course drive all 1600 km to see me for a weekend once) But where does that romantic urge go? Is it my fault? Have I managed to 'let myself go' to an extent that no one feels compelled to wake me up at 3 because they can't wait to tell me something. (thought I was going somewhere else didn't you) How is it that you inspire that kind of passion in your life? In your friends, lovers, children, in your family, but mostly, in yourself. It is true apathy reins supreme.
Aren't you sick of it. I think that is why so many theatre romances happen. Because, in that moment, it is so much better than anything real life has to offer. Well, perhaps I want to give it up. Pack up my family and move onto a stage. Once you play a part for long enough couldn't it become real? I know that dissatisfaction with your life can really only be placed in your own lap. Own it and change it if you want to, but for God's sake stop complaining.
What could have been couldn't. Really. The "What If" game is crap. What we have is of our own making. We have etched the path we are on. Allowed others to etch beside us. We are affected by who we chose to be affected by. There are many who glide past us who we chose not to see, and others who are welcomed in and others who invade. Perhaps opening our eyes to those gliding past would have taken us in a different direction. But you know I am not sure if I believe that is true. To do that you would have had to be a different you. Different people would have come in and others still glide by.
The musical - and sometimes just a good ol' chick flick leaves me feeling like I am not doing enough. I try. At least I tell myself I do. I tell my family I love them. I still do things just to catch R*'s attention. (a lot like when we were first together) I wonder sometimes why I do that, is it insecurity? After 13 + years I should be well past that. Maybe it is just me trying to jump out of the comfort zone and remind him that we still have a life with each other to live outside of our house, jobs and children. But I wonder if he feels like he should still be trying to impress me. If not *damn it* how do I get him to try and impress me again. (at this point I would like to remind my handful of readers - Literally on one hand - that he does indeed read this, or at least I send it to him, and this is not me being passive aggressive and trying to get him into things without actually talking to him . . . I SWEAR HONEY it isn't. I just write what I'm thinking and you lucky sucks get to read it . . . if you chose)
I want passion in all aspects of my life. I want to inspire someone to be the best person they can be. I want to drive someone to distraction, I want to feel like I can do anything. Live, planned and unplanned adventures and to thrive, not just survive. Really in so many ways a truly apathetic word. Wouldn't you like to do more than just survive?
I Want That.
Love Be
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Daylight
Hey there sports fans.
A novel experience, but errands are done and I am at work waiting for my client to come. Yes, indeedy it is daytime. Bizarre I know. I wonder if my ramblings will take on a different tone in the daylight hours.
I am thinking I need a plan. My life is lacking one right now and I feel adrift - slightly. I mean how adrift can you really feel when you are so firmly attached to a husband, 2 children, a cat, a house, 2 cars and 2 businesses. Wow, okay not adrift at all. Firmly and concretely attached. So yeah, I could continue on the way I am. Day to day is kinda defined by kids, home and work stuff.
(oh crap I forgot to take the stuff out of the washer - R* would you do that please? Just hang up your coat and liner, and anything that belongs to me, and stick the rest in the dryer. - if you even read this)
do de do, do de do.
Back to, well I was gonna say reality, but in my world laundry is very real. So on with the show.
R* is not so much the advanced planner - or at least he claims he isn't which I find incredibly funny coming from a man who plans things for a living. I on the other hand am a planner. If I could sit down and map out the events of the year on January first I'd do it. Not to say I'm not flexible, I understand that things can change. However, to have the basics roughed in. I'd LOVE that. I'd like to have things pre-planned. Leave room for spontaneous things too - I do enjoy just up and going somewhere.
For example. I'd like to map out the things we want to do with the house. When we want them to happen and then (hold onto your seats) how we are going to do them. Mostly because with a schedule I know what I need to do and by when, and also then I know I'm not nagging when I ask R* if we are still going ahead with X Y and Z. Scheduling is so hard in our household. R* and I work such random schedules. Maybe that's why I crave it so much in the rest of our lives. Work is random, kids are *very* random, I need some un-random (non-random? randomlessness? antirandom? ah, structure)
Yesterday I spent this amazing day with my kids and girlfriend H* creating a garden in the front yard. I wanted to do it, but I wondered as the day went on if there might be things I should be doing instead. Other 'more important' things. It's so weird, because I know all this stuff is to be done, I am just having a hard time deciding what is a need to do, aka priority, and a want to do, aka would be nice but not necessary. I thought to myself. "Is this dumb because we are going to have to sand and paint the front of the house, which now means standing in our garden. Maybe If I know where that job was on the schedule that I might have had the patience to wait. In my head we won't get to the painting of the outside of the house till next year, with maybe the exceptions of the doors. But maybe R* (sorry for starting a sentence with but. I hear it is acceptable now days, however, I still cringe when I do it.) has different ideas.
Okay *R you and me a calendar and markers. We've got to sketch this stuff out.
And I need to do laundry on the same day. At least come up with an idea for suppers for the week on Sundays (grocery's are Monday) as well as the other 'running of house' things.
Do de do de dooooo!
Don't panic. This OCD moment has been brought to you by the letters . . . um, O and um, C and yeah, D and by the number 1000 (as in things we still need to do)
There is an image of my family and my life in my head, chaos does not rein supreme. I know we can get there. I know it!
Love
Be
A novel experience, but errands are done and I am at work waiting for my client to come. Yes, indeedy it is daytime. Bizarre I know. I wonder if my ramblings will take on a different tone in the daylight hours.
I am thinking I need a plan. My life is lacking one right now and I feel adrift - slightly. I mean how adrift can you really feel when you are so firmly attached to a husband, 2 children, a cat, a house, 2 cars and 2 businesses. Wow, okay not adrift at all. Firmly and concretely attached. So yeah, I could continue on the way I am. Day to day is kinda defined by kids, home and work stuff.
(oh crap I forgot to take the stuff out of the washer - R* would you do that please? Just hang up your coat and liner, and anything that belongs to me, and stick the rest in the dryer. - if you even read this)
do de do, do de do.
Back to, well I was gonna say reality, but in my world laundry is very real. So on with the show.
R* is not so much the advanced planner - or at least he claims he isn't which I find incredibly funny coming from a man who plans things for a living. I on the other hand am a planner. If I could sit down and map out the events of the year on January first I'd do it. Not to say I'm not flexible, I understand that things can change. However, to have the basics roughed in. I'd LOVE that. I'd like to have things pre-planned. Leave room for spontaneous things too - I do enjoy just up and going somewhere.
For example. I'd like to map out the things we want to do with the house. When we want them to happen and then (hold onto your seats) how we are going to do them. Mostly because with a schedule I know what I need to do and by when, and also then I know I'm not nagging when I ask R* if we are still going ahead with X Y and Z. Scheduling is so hard in our household. R* and I work such random schedules. Maybe that's why I crave it so much in the rest of our lives. Work is random, kids are *very* random, I need some un-random (non-random? randomlessness? antirandom? ah, structure)
Yesterday I spent this amazing day with my kids and girlfriend H* creating a garden in the front yard. I wanted to do it, but I wondered as the day went on if there might be things I should be doing instead. Other 'more important' things. It's so weird, because I know all this stuff is to be done, I am just having a hard time deciding what is a need to do, aka priority, and a want to do, aka would be nice but not necessary. I thought to myself. "Is this dumb because we are going to have to sand and paint the front of the house, which now means standing in our garden. Maybe If I know where that job was on the schedule that I might have had the patience to wait. In my head we won't get to the painting of the outside of the house till next year, with maybe the exceptions of the doors. But maybe R* (sorry for starting a sentence with but. I hear it is acceptable now days, however, I still cringe when I do it.) has different ideas.
Okay *R you and me a calendar and markers. We've got to sketch this stuff out.
And I need to do laundry on the same day. At least come up with an idea for suppers for the week on Sundays (grocery's are Monday) as well as the other 'running of house' things.
Do de do de dooooo!
Don't panic. This OCD moment has been brought to you by the letters . . . um, O and um, C and yeah, D and by the number 1000 (as in things we still need to do)
There is an image of my family and my life in my head, chaos does not rein supreme. I know we can get there. I know it!
Love
Be
Saturday, April 11, 2009
рдордо् Easter
I really need to figure out why my titles are being translated into Asian characters.
Mmmm Easter,
I don't know what my parents remember about Easter, or rather the Easter they created for us. Church was always a big part of it. I remember, whether it is true or not, my mother making me a new 'Easter' outfit every year. I loved the sunrise service, though I always wished it was a little warmer. We aren't Jewish, but we did the Seder and LOVED IT every year.
I am struggling to make this kind of impact on my kids. Church, God, it is all important to me, but not as much to my husband. How can I emphasize the importance of something if 1/2 of my parenting team isn't in on the action? I dunno. For now M* loves to go to church, and at (almost)4 I don't really care why she wants to go, but that she does. My son L* is too little to care much beyond his bottle, soother and Mommie. I do wish I had more support in this area, though I am mostly grateful that I'm not getting much resistance. We still need to have the kids baptized (You hear that R*? we are going to be having that chat again soon. It's important to me.)
Anyway, I am incredibly sad that R* is away this Easter, and that the entire 5 days have been taken up by some stupid kung foo / taekwondo docu-crap (sorry hon, but I'm pissed off) So tomorrow I spend the day with my beautiful children, my wonderful church friends and my girlfriends family (Thanks SASK) No Easter dinner and no husband. I know I'll be with people all day, but I also know I'll be lonely.
Happy Easter loves.
Be
Mmmm Easter,
I don't know what my parents remember about Easter, or rather the Easter they created for us. Church was always a big part of it. I remember, whether it is true or not, my mother making me a new 'Easter' outfit every year. I loved the sunrise service, though I always wished it was a little warmer. We aren't Jewish, but we did the Seder and LOVED IT every year.
I am struggling to make this kind of impact on my kids. Church, God, it is all important to me, but not as much to my husband. How can I emphasize the importance of something if 1/2 of my parenting team isn't in on the action? I dunno. For now M* loves to go to church, and at (almost)4 I don't really care why she wants to go, but that she does. My son L* is too little to care much beyond his bottle, soother and Mommie. I do wish I had more support in this area, though I am mostly grateful that I'm not getting much resistance. We still need to have the kids baptized (You hear that R*? we are going to be having that chat again soon. It's important to me.)
Anyway, I am incredibly sad that R* is away this Easter, and that the entire 5 days have been taken up by some stupid kung foo / taekwondo docu-crap (sorry hon, but I'm pissed off) So tomorrow I spend the day with my beautiful children, my wonderful church friends and my girlfriends family (Thanks SASK) No Easter dinner and no husband. I know I'll be with people all day, but I also know I'll be lonely.
Happy Easter loves.
Be
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)