before now

Sometimes I am out of internet range when I write.

Written 09.11.20

You know what happens when you try to be profound? You aren't. I'm just sayin'.

I have been going back through my old posts (before there are too many of them) and trying to fulfill my husbands desire for me to edit (or at least re read) my own writing. I have discovered an added benefit to re reading my writing. I get to hear what I have said with some distance and be affected by it. I tend to write like I talk. So I say something and before I can even turn around I have forgotten what it is I have said. I dislike this intensely.
YOU - "Remember when we were talking last week?" ME - "Yes" Y - "Well you know what you said to me about _______. I've been thinking about it and you know it really makes sense. M - " Really?" Y - "Yeah, could you tell me a little more about it?" M - "Ummmm, nope, sorry no idea what I said."
You see the problem. So the blog is great for me because it's down for prosperity. Wait, did I say that was good? Where is this going. Nowhere. That is what I have been thinking about again. Going nowhere, not running, just being, sitting in your moment.

When I chose to be an RMT it was clear to me that there was another road for me to follow. I eagerly talked myself out of that path without any outside input. Over the past 10 years since I made that choice, the road not taken has been sitting peacefully waiting for me. Now let me make this clear. The choice has been sitting peacefully, not me. I am not sure there have been more than a handful of moments like that for me so far in my life. So instead I have been running. Sometimes consciencly, but usually with my eyes shut. I do a lot of things with my eyes shut. Not smart.

Anyway. This decision or choice that I have been running from has begun to get restless. My running more frenetic. Tuesday. I stopped running. I have turned around and am taking steps toward the choice. Moving into acceptance that this road not taken must now be taken. Not really a choice at all actually. More of a sense of purpose, or as they say, a calling.

I am blessed to have managed to surround myself (at least thus far) with people who are not at all surprised by this change in the course of my life. I really did expect more challenge from them. Instead, they all seem to be sitting in it with me. Have I mentioned that I love my friends.

Later
Be