UCC 2nd full draft

Personal Information and Background

Describe yourself. Comment on your personal growth. What are some of your strengths and weaknesses? What do you value most about yourself?

Not such easy questions to get into, especially without immediately jumping into a physical description. What I look like is only a small portion of who I am, but is not insignificant to this question. What I have experienced in my skin has shaped me as much as any other influence. It is the recipient of every insult I have ever received. I haven’t been told I am stupid or an idiot, or been told I am worthless, or ugly. I have been called fat, and all its derivatives. I chose to use the word abundant. I am abundant. I am abundant in the roles I play in my life. I love fully, and without judgment. I over extend myself out of a love for what I am doing. I am full of ideas. I am scared of many things, but I face them anyway because the alternative is far worse. I am at the other end of the phone at 3 in the morning, and I am honest. I am a Mother, Daughter, Wife, Sister, Aunt, In Law, Friend, and Relative. I am a custodian, a Massage Therapist, a singer and a writer. I love the dark and the colour orange. I am vegan, and I care deeply about what we are doing to our planet. I am nothing in singularity yet I am singularly Beki and I am learning that, that is completely okay.

My personal growth continues daily. I learn new things about my world and myself all the time and I love that. I know that any struggle I have had in my life has had its hand in the person I’ve become. Those experiences allow me to connect and relate to more people. Personal growth is a constant taking in of new ideas and shelving old ones. Accepting myself has been my biggest challenge and the realization that I am enough is critical to where I am today. The discernment process was very uplifting, for the first time since I can remember I could hear good things about myself and not think, “yeah, but . . .” and I could hear the constructive criticism and not feel personally attacked.

I am passionate about the church and seeing it move forward. I very much want to be a part of that momentum. I am friendly, genuine, honest and upfront. I love to learn and am eager to be actively doing that again. I like to be organized and have been running my own business for 6 years. I love people. I have an incredible family who are my best cheerleaders and source of inspiration and support. I tend to talk over people, especially when excited to add to the conversation. I am strong on ideas but weak on follow through. This annoys me and I am focusing on improving this area of myself. I have a tendency to try to do everything, and have recently figured out that to delegate is not only valuable to the project as a whole but allows me to step back, be more objective, and learn an new way of looking at or doing something.

I believe I have an incredible capacity for love as well as the ability to be hurt. To me, that means that I haven’t closed myself off. Life has thrown curve balls and I am still standing.

Describe your family background and how that has shaped your growth and development.

My Father is a (retired) United Church Minister. He began seminary when I was about two and when I was four (and my brother, two) he was settled in rural Cape Breton, NS and was given a four point charge. I’m not sure if this settlement did my family a service or not. Considering that he was a young father, a four point charge kept him away from home a great deal. I know I missed him.

My brother was a handful as a child. I remember my Dad once sitting down with me when I was about seven and telling me that I should do what Jesus taught, turn the other cheek, and lead by example. I think that is a good thing to try to do, but for a literal little girl it had some less than positive side effects. It meant I didn’t defend myself, for a long time. My brother’s boundless energy and enthusiasm is infectious. He was and still is more of an inspiration for persistence and resilience than he has ever been a pain in the neck. I take his life lessons with me.

My Mum is one of the hardest working people I know. She fed into my “Mary Poppins Complex” (the desire to be practically perfect in every way), always wanting the best for me and from me (as well as from herself.) That can be a lot of pressure. She is talented and generous and one hundred percent heart. I am so proud of the way she has handled my parent’s divorce and just how much resilience and persistence she has shown.

My home life was everything I needed it to be. I never doubted that I was loved and valued. My brother drawing focus in the house meant that I could exercise my own freedom and grow into the person I am. I am grateful that I had that chance. I believe that without it I would have been more inclined to be a homebody and hide away. Instead, I am independent and self-sufficient. Growing up in a church house has the reputation of producing saints or rebels out of children. I believe I was neither. I know I did what I could to put the right face on for the minister’s family and that my rebellions were small and mostly unnoticed.

Dad and Mum decided to have my brother and myself dedicated at birth to allow us to make the decision to be baptized on our own. I remember the process distinctly (we were six and eight) and I believe having to articulate at a young age who I thought Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit were and what I believed really stitched it into me. I felt so grownup. All aspects of my life had God present in them growing up. The Christian (and some Jewish) holidays I treasure are all due to how my parents framed them. I believe I was given the true message behind each holiday first and foremost with the secular as window dressing, and I am now doing all I can to pass that to my children. I have been breathing God in my whole life. Now I just need to figure out how to breath God out.

Describe the communities in which you have lived and your role / involvement in them.

The communities I have lived in have left their marks on me. From ages four till eleven I lived in a village of four hundred in rural Cape Breton, NS. This was my Father’s first pastoral charge and had four points. Even though I was a young child I was as active within our church(es) as I would imagine any minister’s child would be. I have a long history of performing Christmas Pageants in every role but Jesus and Joseph. I sung solos, was a member of the Sunday School and did all the jobs they let little munchkins do within the church. I remember being very proud and nervous the first time I took collection. This is the village my Mother now lives in again, and where I consider ‘home’ to be. I have the opportunity to reconnect with the people I knew as a child each time I visit. It is funny and reassuring to see everyone still sitting in the same place on Sunday.

In my Father’s second charge we went from four small churches to one large one of seven hundred fifty families, a team ministry (two full time ministers) and a town of ten thousand. I graduated from High School here. At this church Sunday School continued all the way through to grade twelve, and in our last year we spent time visiting other denominations. I sang in the youth choir and was a member of the youth group. I participated in other churches youth retreats as well, including one called “18 hours to Save the World.” I went to UC camp in the summers for three years as a camper and two as a counselor. I loved being at camp and I connected well with my campers. My mantra was “Weird is wonderful,” and I still have lots of pictures that my campers sent me after camp, hanging out with their friends sticking their tongues out at me, which was part of the mantra. I attended Maritime Conference Youth Forum for four years, as well as General Counsel in 1992. These weekends charged me up in a way I have never experienced anywhere else. It was a place to connect with other youth who were as engaged in their relationship with God as I was. I still maintain friendships made during youth forum. It was awesome! In school I was in the environment club and we went to elementary schools talking about recycling and doing our part, even as kids, to help our environment. I was also in the music program and drama club. I taught swimming lessons, was a lifeguard and coached the special Olympics swim team (three years) from grade seven to twelve, first as a volunteer and then as staff.

My next real community was university. I chose Mount Allison because I had fallen in love with it while there for youth forum. I didn’t apply anywhere else. This is the time in my life when I felt the least connected to God, and in hindsight when I needed to be connected. In typical student fashion I chose sleep over church. I gave everything I had to theatre, as a techie, stage manager dressed in black it was my world. I was a poor student, emotional and damaged. I had been bored by school, had poor study habits and did as little as necessary to get by. Anything outside of the subjects I liked got no attention and those I did didn’t get enough. I studied Theatre, Religious Studies, and Classics mostly. I did manage to get into a fourth year creative writing class, which I enjoyed more than almost any other class. I made mistakes and alternated between trying to figure out myself and heal and ignoring myself all together. 

Lastly is Richview. I had been shopping for a church in very urban Toronto for about a year. My Mother found Richview while she was here visiting after Mira was born six and a half years ago. The sense of homecoming when I began to go to Richview was amazing. I was so physically relieved to be back in a church community, and their acceptance was swift and deep. It was less than a year before I was recruited for the youth group, and have been working with the youth of Richview ever since. I have been active within Richview since I walked in the doors. I sit on several committees and have been the custodian there for a year now. I have recently joined a tri-church green team, where we are trying to figure out ways to green our spaces on limited church budgets. I am a Registered Massage Therapist and Reiki Master with a private practice in Etobicoke and I love that people within my church come to me for help and information.

Being a member of Richview, and having the gift of Rev. Michelle Robinson as our minister for the past two years has made ignoring the call I felt for the past decade or more impossible. So with Richview’s blessing and support, as well as that of my friends and family, I am now in the role of inquirer.

Relationships with Others

Describe your relationships with the significant people in your life. To whom do I reach out for support?

My relationships are my support. My friends and family are the most incredible people on the planet. I know that I said that I am on the other end of the phone at 3 am if you need me, but my people are there too. Anytime I have reached out for a hug, shoulder or sounding board they are here for me. They are strength, support, love and comfort. I believe the friends you chose are a reflection of who you are. Everything that I believe myself to be, I know my friends to be and more.

I think that when you decide you want to go into ministry you expect skepticism and questions. I know I expected it. My friends and family have been completely behind me and are engaged in the process. Their interest encouraged me to blog what it happening in my life as I go through the Discernment process and into school. In fact, in the moments when I write “what am I doing?”, they are the first ones to remind me why I am here and why they think I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I am grateful everyday for their presence and support. The people that make up my friends come from all times and stages in my life. Elementary and High School, University, Church, Theatre and Work. Some I have known since I was 4 and others I’ve know for a year.

I am close to my parents and my brother(s), we get together as a large family unit whenever possible. My Father and step-Mother are both retired UC ministers and are full of encouragement and support. My Mother is a very active lay member of her congregation and is as involved in this process as she can be and fully understands it. She has been the support person for the Discernment process for a close friend recently. Although I sometimes feel far from them physically, they are always close when I need them to be even if it is on the phone. My husband’s family has embraced me like I am blood and protect me and love me with the same fierceness they do each other. I am so grateful for them.

My husband - we met at university working on the Sound of Music together. Theatre has been the backdrop of our lives up until our first child arrived in 2005. We are both busy self-employed people, and know the value of quality time over quantity time. He asks all the right questions, challenges me to think critically and has supported me in everything. We discuss what is happening in our lives regularly and I find him to be an excellent grounding influence for me. I can react to things emotionally and he is always able to calm me and help me see the rational side of things.

With what age ranges and groups do you feel most comfortable?

At some point in my life I have spent time with every age group. Through my teens and twenties I taught swimming lessons and spent a lot of time with toddlers. I have babysat, worked in a daycare and was a Nanny. While at university I worked in Elder care as a companion for a blind woman in her late eighty's. I have been a camp counselor to tweens and early teens and am currently a youth group leader for teens from 13 to 18, as well as sitting on several committee's within my own peer group. I really enjoy working with all ages. I believe each has its lessons to teach me. Currently I am really enjoying working with the teens. I want to fire them up the way my youth leaders did when I was a teen. I have also spent time working with special populations and enjoyed my time with them immensely.

Working Style

Describe your work habits. Include comments on your leadership style, initiative, communication skills, organizational skills, ability to set priorities, ability to follow through on work undertaken.

If am into something, I would say my work habits are excellent. My stage management training has given me a good ear and eye for what is needed and when. If I am not enjoying a project I hit the rocks about midpoint and if a project frightens me or I do not understand it, I have a hard time making it get off the ground.

As a leader, if I am confident in my skills in the area we are working in, I am happy to take the lead. Otherwise I prefer to not be in charge. I like to be part of a team and have my place, but would rather not be the chair or leader. However, I really do not like being in a group that has no leader and no direction. If I find myself in that situation, I will step up and do my best to lead the group. When I find myself in the leadership role, I like to get a balanced input. Everyone has strengths and if you can figure out what it is you will find the right thing for each person to do to make the whole project come together.

I am full of ideas. It is one of my abundances. I am also great at starting projects and genuinely want to see them to completion. My follow through is sometimes lacking and things often get finished at the last minute. I am working on pacing myself and keeping up with projects so there is no longer that last minute rush.

Taking initiative is something I have often been reluctant to do, being afraid that what I suggest will fail. Now I find it easy to meet people and feel confident in my ideas and myself. Taking the initiative is now much easier, especially when I am excited about the idea.

I believe I communicate well. I am expressive and engaged in conversation and spend a great deal of time writing as a way of communicating my thoughts and feelings. I care about what people have to say and try to listen carefully and fully. I love people, and my life’s challenges have set me up to be able to take a walk in many peoples shoes. I am grateful for the rough spots because they allow me to be more empathetic and genuine.

I love to organize things, spaces and events. I love it. I feel calmer in an organized space. Oddly it is the area of my life where I dislike abundance. I feel like too much clutter cramps your space and your mind.

With the birth of my two children I believe I have a better grasp on priority. Honestly I get derailed sometimes but I always find my way back. I believe I have a good handle on what needs to be done and when. Order of things allows for better workflow and a more balanced space for exchange of ideas.

I dislike conflict and would rather avoid being in it. I have noted that since the arrival of my children my urge to duck and cover has been replaced by the courage to speak my piece and stand up for what I believe to be right. I understand that often conflict comes about due to lack of communication and strive to always make sure I am clear and communicating well. I prefer for those involved to take a knee for a few moments, hours or days to clear their head and remove the immediate emotion of a situation then come back together to solve the issue.

What kind of situations cause you stress? How do you cope with stress?

Stress visits my digestive system before it ever makes it to my head, I deal with it by writing, crying, deep breathing and organizing. I get stressed when I feel like there is too much to do in an insufficient period of time. I tend to start to fluster until I recognize that I am stressed and then I take a second to pull it all back together. I find situations that I cannot help in stressful as well as times when I feel there is a lot of negativity. I get stressed when I feel like I am not able to make myself understood and when I am in a conflict situation. I am not intimidated by situations I consider stressful, I generally take that as a challenge to face it head on and overcome. I crave sugar under stress as well, but a cup of tea and a hugs from my husband or a close friend is much more helpful in calming things down.

Your Understanding of Ministry

Provide some reflection on the development of your faith and your call to ministry. Please include a description of your current faith stance and comment on the experiences and the people that have influenced this journey.

 My faith has grown from a rich home and church based spiritual life. I remember Sunday school from a really early age, but my clearest first memory of making conscious decisions about my spiritual life is when I was eight and decided to be baptized. My Father spent a lot of time with us talking about what it meant to be baptized and asking us questions about God, Jesus and what we believed. I don’t remember what I said and I am sure it was very childlike, but I do remember knowing then that it was serious business and I felt very responsible going through the process.

My spiritual growth has been guided by my parents, the church, relationships to other youth, youth leaders, music and physical expressions of faith and love. I value the people and events that have shaped my faith even if the people have drifted away, though I have kept close friendships with some. These people are a part of my faith story and I remember their effects on me years later. I’m not strong at praying, but I am making a conscious effort to do so this year. I know what I believe has come from many different sources, and I know that my faith journey and development is not over, and probably never will be. I have always enjoyed being active in the life of my church.

My experience of call to ministry has been much like hiking toward a waterfall.  I have known longer than I think I am aware, that the call was there.  As I began to move in the direction of God’s purpose for me I began to hear the trickle of the water, faint and far away.  With each step I have made along the path the sound of the water has become clearer.  There have been times when something has distracted me and I have left the path.  Then, the sound of the waterfall has still been present, and those off path experiences always brought me back to the path with a stronger desire to be there.  The water is now loud in my ears.  The waterfall is just up ahead around a bend.  I can almost see it.

I chose to go to Massage Therapy School instead of going into ministry in 2000. It was an active decision that I spent a lot of time with. The reality for me at that time was although I felt compelled to be a part of the church on a greater level, and felt then that ministry held something for me, I was not ready. My partner was not ready. I was young, scared and overwhelmed by the idea. The path through Massage Therapy was not smooth. I struggled with several of the subjects and had to work very hard to obtain mediocre grades at best. I love(d) the work, the people, and the exchange of energy and idea. I learned how to study, and apply myself. Although the results academically were not brilliant, I gained a great deal from my time there and have made some incredible friends as well. Conversely the move toward ministry has been smooth. Even the small blips have proven to be insignificant and I have rarely felt so peaceful about a decision. Although going into ministry is something I take very seriously, it has been an easy decision to make.

I am not sure how to talk about my faith stance, or even if I fully understand what that means. I feel I have so much to learn, but what I am comfortable with is this; I believe in God, God’s son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I believe that a person’s relationship to the Trinity is as individual as they are and that those differences should be explored and celebrated. I believe in the huge value of a church community to a wider community and to its members. I believe Jesus died for our sins and that the Bible has a great deal to teach us. I think living God’s word is hard, but worthwhile. I know expressing your beliefs can be scary but it should still be done. I know God to be a forgiving and nurturing God, caring for us all regardless of what we call Him or Her. I believe the universe is at God’s command but that God exercises restraint and allows us to find our own way, and I know that, that way is much easier to find if you ask God for help.

What is your understanding of ministry? Please offer and image of ministry that will help to illustrate this.

My understanding and expectations of ministry come from living life as a minister’s daughter within the United Church of Canada. Ministry for me is normal. It’s what my day-to-day life was for twenty odd years. It is a job, a calling and a part of who you are. It can be late nights and long days. You can come home feeling defeated and confused or uplifted and renewed. You are always working in committee with someone, even if that someone is God. It is Sunday mornings, Tuesday nights and midnight phone calls. It is time invested in something that is often invisible and the pay off may be a long way away. Ministry is co-operation and conviction. It is a life of gains and losses, marriages, baptisms, funerals and confirmations. Ministry is support and comfort. It is challenge and acceptance. It is boundless and full of boundaries. It is a family affair and is often scrutinized, full of expectations and exceptions. It is a challenge to be open to new ideas and to continue to grow in your own faith as you guide others in theirs, but to be otherwise is to stumble and fall.

What type of minister do you think you will be? What do you hope to bring to various roles in ministry?

The short answer is I want to be a better version of who I already am. Better at inspiring people to be their best self. Better at leading by example while keeping my humanity and realness. Better able to listen to those around me and really hear what they are saying. I want to be brave and stand up to the injustice I see. I want to be able to articulate to everyone why God is important in your life without alienating people using language that is comfortable for everyone to use. I want to teach tolerance, acceptance and be able to coax change as our church moves forward. I want to encourage respect for all creation and provide guidance on how to do that. I want to be confident in what I preach, how I guide a church and connect scripture to current events clearly, so those listening can relate. I want to be able to find a balance so my children and husband always feel, not just know, how much I love them and need them.  I hope to be a role model, not of perfection, but of humanity doing their best to live God’s word and walk Jesus’ path everyday. I hope to inspire people and fill their hearts each Sunday so they have what they need to begin and survive a new week. I hope to serve a congregation to my best abilities and encourage others to do the same.

Why are you seeking to enter ordered ministry in the United Church of Canada and, in particular, ordained or diaconal ministry?

I am seeking ordained ministry because I believe that if my call was to lay ministry than I would feel fulfilled by my roles within the church currently. There is still more for me and I feel guided towards ordained ministry. I don’t feel I am yet doing what God is calling me to do. The pulpit, although intimidating, is pulling me forward, and I believe it is important to be able to do the sacrament. Ordered ministry is what I know and what I understand and it feels like the right path for me to take and the one God is calling me to follow.

What is the cornerstone of your theology as you understand it now? Who is God for you? Who is Jesus Christ for you? How has the Holy Spirit been active in your life?

Answering these questions is where I feel my ability to express myself falls apart. I believe in God, Jesus Christ the Son of God and the Holy Spirit. God is a Father figure to me. I believe in inclusive language, but I also believe God fills space where there is need and I felt like I saw little of my own Father when I was young, I think God filled that space for me. I use the words Him and He because that is what God is for me, and is what comes naturally to me. I believe Jesus is God’s son and that he died on the cross to forgive our sins. I think Jesus walked upon this earth to teach us, in human form, what it means to live in God’s way. I feel and see the Holy Spirit at work all around me. In my clients as they open up to me about their own spiritual lives. I see the Spirit in the sun shining through a bank of clouds and in my children as the chose to pick up garbage rather than play. The Holy Spirit speaks to me through the small things and the grand sweeping gestures. I feel the Spirit in the quiet moments, sitting on a dock at sunrise, seeing the colours change and the spring flowers grow. The Holy Spirit is active in me in those a-ha moments, in the moments when I am spurred into action even when I am afraid, and in those quiet moments with a client whose heart is aching and needs someone else to hold them up for awhile.

Talk about your spiritual life and spirituality. What feeds and nourishes your spiritual life? What drains it?

I need Sundays, and I notice when I have missed one. My spirituality begins there. It is the foundation of my week. I haven’t exercised an active and conscious spiritual life to this point. These days I find I am asking myself if the choices I have made each day have been true to God’s way. I am in active Bible study with God and myself in an effort to come to an understanding of each passage as well as the Bible as a whole. I feel this important before trying to share my thoughts with others. I find myself talking about spirituality more and more with the people in my life, figuring out what they believe and why. I find things in quiet moments fill me more than anything else. Those moments on the dock, catching someone going out of their way to help when they think no one is looking. Spending time in the wilderness with my family. Standing in a crowd of people all praising God with their voices and instruments. Living in God’s way. These things are what nourish me. Violence drains me. Inaction where there is a need for action. Meanness, cruelty, ignorance and all the ugly that humanity can be is exhausting and leaves me whimpering. I am constantly astounded that our capacity for evil seems to match our capacity for good. It is what we see, hear and focus on in media and we scorn those brief moments of joy celebrated in the public forum. Retaliation instead of forgiveness is what I find spiritually draining.

Describe your relationship with the United Church of Canada and your sense of call to ministry in the United Church.

I have taken this from my presbytery letter: The United Church has always been a part of my life. My Father answered his own call to ministry when I was a baby. I have never felt like the church was anything less than an extension of my home. Not only a place to be respected and cared for but as a place of safety, comfort and welcome. It has been rare for me to enter a church and not immediately feel a sense of well being and home coming. The churches I have been a part of, have not just supported my spiritual growth, but my growth outside of my relationship with God as well. I have practiced for piano and dance recitals, accepted awards, sung in choirs, babysat in nurseries, taught Sunday school, read scripture, given a sermon, done homework and so many more things all within the walls of a church. I have been everybody but Jesus in the Christmas pageant, even a talking donkey. While at University I spent some time studying with the religious studies department, and found it to be a place where I also felt at home working with the Bible and studying other religions. When I think back I cannot separate the church from my life. It is inherent to who I am.

Although my life has always been United Church based, I have always taken opportunities to experience other denominations and religions. While in university, I studied religions of the far and near east to further expand my understanding of other practices and beliefs. What is clear to me is that the United Church is the right place for me. The United Church is home for me and where I belong.

Write a brief statement on what you believe to be one or two of the most important issues facing the church today.

The United Church is in an ebb of membership at the moment. I feel that as churches try to update themselves and become more current, they struggle with the marriage of old traditions and new contemporary ways. It is crucial that the church move forward to attract new membership but equally as important to respect and hold onto traditions that have made the United Church what it is. It would be just as fatal to completely remake ourselves and walk away from all we have been, as it would be to be stagnant and ignore the need for freshness. It is a delicate balance and one that I believe is going to be a challenge to attain.

      The United Church is leading a very important Green initiative. Greening churches and providing a leading role in environmental change. The United Churches stance on climate change is very important. Although the UCC is currently experiencing a decline in it’s influence, I believe that is temporary and that a time will come when the United Churches policies will become something that others will turn to as a model.

References

1. Laura Christie:             416.621.5457            203 Wellesworth Drive            before                       

                        Etobicoke, ON, M9C 4S4            Oct 8.

2. Bruce Thompson            905.279.6400            3038 Hurontario Street

                        Suite 30

                        Mississauga, ON, L5B 3B9

3. Helen Smith            905.884.1059            408 - 40 Baif Boulevard

                        Richmond Hill ON L4C 5M9