My letter to Presbytery.

Hello

My name is Rebekah Duncan, but please call me Beki. It's been awhile since I have written an essay like this, so please bear with me.

The United Church has always been a part of my life. My Father answered was anything less than an extension of my home. Not only a place to be respected and cared for but as a place of safety, comfort and welcome. It has been rare for me to enter a church and not immediately feel a sense of well being and home coming. The churches I have been a part of, have not just supported my spiritual growth, but my growth outside of my relationship with God as well. I have practiced for piano and dance recitals, accepted awards, sung in choirs, babysat in nurseries, taught Sunday school, read scripture, given a sermon, done homework and so many more things all within the walls of a church. I have been everybody but Jesus in the Christmas pageant, even a talking donkey. While at University I spent some time studying with the religious studies department, and found it to be a place where I also felt to home working with the Bible and studying other religions. When I think back I cannot separate the church from my life. It is inherent to who I am.

Growing up within the United Church has left me with more influences than I can mention. So I will tell you what comes quickly to mind when I think about my influences. My Dad and later, my step-Mom; for what I would think are obvious reasons. They have spoken out when it matters and preached from the heart and with integrity. Although they are 'retired' now their involvement continues and is deep. My Mum; just by the life she leads, her own spiritual path, and the loving, giving person she has always been. I am so incredibly blessed and proud to be their daughter. So many of the leaders and participants, some of whom I still maintain friendships with, of the many Maritime Conference Youth Forums; they have molded my expectations for youth events and etched a never ending list of what worship means into my brain. My fire was always stoked there and I would leave with enough energy, hope and support to sustain me for months afterwards. Rev. Ron Coughlin, his ministry has been wonderful, and I will be forever grateful for his encouragement of my children to be the free-range church children they are. He has helped nurture a bond between them and their church community that will be hard to break. His biggest gift to me however, was his decision to retire. In his leaving he left a space for Rev. Michelle Robinson to fill, and that is a gift I will never fully be able to repay. Michelle's presence at Richview was everything I needed. She got me, without knowing me she preached right to me and after two years of getting to know her none of that initial shine has worn off. Without Michelle I very well may still be sitting on the fence. Being able to see myself in her shoes was key to me being here.

My understanding of ministry is much broader in the ordained and lay areas than diaconal.  Lay ministry, I believe, is as diverse as the people who attend a church. My lay ministry is to be a Youth Leader, to belong to the committees that call to me (Worship, Vision in Action, and Property). I am also custodian of our church. For others it's looking after the gardens, baking for sales, crafting for a bizarre, singing in the choir, teaching Sunday school, or reading scripture, to name a very few. Growing up with a Father, and later a step-Mother as ministers has lead me to an intimate understanding of what being an ordained minister is, at least to them. The time and commitment required to be that leader, teacher, spiritual guide, shoulder and supporter. Its focus is described as sacrament, pastoral care and the word. Diaconal ministry, as I have seen it, can be much the same as ordained, but with a greater emphasis on education.

I hope you will excuse me for using some of my letter to my own church when asking to be declared an inquirer. I feel it best expresses my own journey to this place.

“My journey to this decision has been long and complicated. I suspect that this is common among those who come to this realization about their life's purpose. In my early 20's I felt a pull towards Ministry. At the time Ministry felt too challenging, so I chose what I thought would be an easier path and determined to become a RMT. My career is very rewarding and fulfilling, not to mention challenging, so while I do not regret the decision I made in 2000, the draw to Ministry has not left me. Working with the Richview youth group over the past three years, as well as serving on an Internship committee has only served to intensify my sense of call.

            This experience has been much like hiking toward a waterfall. I have known longer than even I am aware, that the call was there. When I began to move in the direction of God's purpose for me I heard the trickle of the water, faint and far away. With each step I have made along the path, the sound of the water has become clearer. There have been times when I have become distracted, and left the path. The sound of the waterfall has still been present, and those off-path experiences always brought me back to the path with a stronger desire to be there. The water is now loud in my ears. The waterfall is just up ahead, around a bend. I can almost see it.”

My own walk with God has been as interesting as the people I have in my life. I see God every day, feel God, and even occasionally notice God’s seeming absence. There have been moments when I have felt the hand of God at my back and times when I hurt so much I couldn’t let God in. My relationship with God is still growing and changing but it is and has always been, constant.

My discernment process . . . I love my ladies. I miss spending time with them immensely. I was sorry to see one of us leave when he moved outside our presbytery, I think having a male voice was helpful, even just for two meetings. It saddened me that my new rep never made an appearance. However, I fully believe that we learned, grew, changed and became better women because of it. In the beginning I felt frustrated, because I really wanted confirmation that ordained ministry was the right path for me to take. The time we had to all talk about the discussion points was just not enough. We could have spent a whole day for each meeting rather than the two or three hours we had. At the fourth meeting I asked for the next meeting to be given to revisiting any outstanding questions we might have from the first four meetings and that made a huge difference to me. I know the women in my group (Presbytery Rep notwithstanding) felt unprepared and unqualified to be a part of this process, and although I respect and understand that, I happily disagree. I am, at the end of it all, very happy with my process.

Can I just quote the Discernment letter? No? Okay.

I am enthusiastic about our church. It’s history and it’s future. I am eager to be a part of that future. I am friendly and outgoing. I love working with all age groups but have been drawn towards working with youth in particular.  I run my own business and have a theatre background predominantly in stage management and I believe these skills will help me greatly, in most aspects of ordained ministry. I am learning to not over commit and to delegate responsibility, two lessons I very much needed to learn. I believe I can lead gently and am patient. I love to learn and find discussion a great way to develop my thoughts and ideas. I know this might be strange, but I believe my friends and family are also one of my gifts. There is more support for me within this group of people than I could ever have hoped for and that means I will be better able to support others.

Ah money. Honestly, I am still not sure. I know I promised my husband that we would not incur more debt in order for me to go to school. I know, that as my children get older and daycare costs decrease the money freed up will probably cover tuition. I know that although I will apply for funding I want to have the funds available and then if I need it, it is there and if not the money will be put aside for the following years. I pray that when the time comes, it will be what I need.

Thank you. Bless you.

Beki