Getting it in gear.

I'm not sure who I am most irritated with.

Me I guess.
If I had been more on top of things I would not have just paid $$$$ to send a package to my mother in time for her to take some of it's contents to England. It was really kinda to save us some cash but also to send her birthday gift and have something for her to personally deliver.

Not so cost effective now.

Also my happy week of enough clients to make ends meet is slowly dwindling, and now I am just nervous.


GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

That's all folks.



Oh oh oh, it is so not that's all, Welcome to Follower number Five. They should be calling me for an interview any time.
Seriously though to all of those who I know are reading and not "following" Thanks for your support I know you are there and you all mean so much to me.

Love Be

Editing Time

Good Morning.

I would just like to give thanks my husband for (unknowingly) buying me breakfast this morning in exchange for allowing him to sleep in, in a quiet kids free home. Only fair don't you think?

I just re-read my Tim post and I think it's only fair that I revisit some of this stuff since I make these big declarations, that you know where I am with the stuff I declare.

8/13/09
It's time. It's time.

the goal? 50% off

Myself
My Spending
My Wasted Time
Eating out

So: the question is was it in fact time?

In some respects yes.
Spending: The spending has been greatly curtailed. YAY. Makes me feel much more responsible and slightly less broke, and less responsible for being tight on payments. "I just don't have the money," is a lot easier to handle and talk about than, "I had the money and spent it."
Wasted Time: I am much more motivated to do the things I know need to be done. Stuff is coming together at the house, I am feeling better organized (ever so slightly) and I can see the end of the decorating and the beginning of just being able to live in our home.
Eating Out: Two things. I am doing it a lot less, and when I do it I am eating much better.
That leaves Me: Okay so I am still 100% of me. But I actually braved the scale a few weeks ago and low and behold I was already less me than I thought. HOORAY! Just for clarification the 50% of me is just the physical me. In fact I am hoping for an exchange. Less physical me and more personality, emotional, logical and all round me-ness. I had mentioned I feel like I squash the 'who I am' to try and compensate for the 'what'. I feel like that is shifting.



In other news:

FOUR FOLLOWERS!!!!!
I'm practically famous! SHH welcome (and yes I believe I do know who you are, haven't seen you in forever.)

Also I have added this Reactions section to (I think) make it easier to let me know what you think? Any suggestions for words you'd like to see there?

Maché
Be

MMMMM music

I have a confession. I have just watched (parts) of the Hanna Montana Movie for the fifth time. I am telling you this because I'm guessing that most of you won't be watching it. For those of you who sing their children lullabies, you need to check out "Butterfly Fly Away" (Miley Cyrus). Just Google it. I am learning it so I can sing it to my children at bedtime. It's lovely. "The Climb" is from that movie too.



Excerpt of lyrics from Butterfly Fly Away
Miley Cyrus


Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream

Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
Flap your wings now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
We've been waiting for this day
All along and knowing just what to do
Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away

Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away



I realize that most of her songs are for teens and I have a hard time getting into them (Though I Can't Wait was fun and I liked the retro vibe to it) I love her voice. I am really looking forward to what she comes out with as she matures.

Anyway.
I was thinking about some struggles my church is having with music at the moment. Lots of resistance to newer music. "We don't know that one" Really? That's an excuse for not trying new songs out? REALLY? or "It's not respectful enough." What? It's praise music, how is that not respectful? Must it be written over 80 years ago and be played on an organ to be allowed in the church. IMAGINE. Because nothing of value in terms of musical worship have been written in the last 50 decades and certainly not in the last 10 or 20. Or simply the music is not played because "Well, I just don't like that one." Mmmm nope sorry, that doesn't fly either.

What I feel when someone says any of those things to me is this: What I want and what inspires me is more important than what speaks to you. What you would like to introduce isn't valuable to me so it just isn't valuable, and besides it just isn't worth learning new stuff.

I understand that music is personal. I adore many of the old hymns. But new music. It lifts me up. Why can't we do both. It's not like we only sing one hymn a week.

I am walking into a new and intimidating adventure. I know I am going to need uplifting music to help me through it. Would be nice if more of that came from my church. I remember coming home from youth forum when I was a teenager and being so effected that I could barely connect with my 'regular' friends for a week, that was mostly because I just felt so lifted up by the music, and if you weren't there, you just didn't get it. I need to find that feeling in my church. I know it's there, I see the potential all the time. Our assistant organist is in love with music and her passion for it just screams at my heart. SCREAMS!

I am going to compiling a motivational boost play list for my new adventure.

Any ideas. This is it so far:

The Climb - Miley Cyrus
Jesus Thake the Wheel - Carrie Underwood
Call and Answer - BNL
(Pretty much anything) - Justin Haines
It's Now or Never - Bon Jovi
The Lord's Prayer - Sarah Vaughan
09.11.25 Standing Outside the Fire - Garth Brooks
09.11.25 Hallelujah - k.d. lang



Night
Be

before now

Sometimes I am out of internet range when I write.

Written 09.11.20

You know what happens when you try to be profound? You aren't. I'm just sayin'.

I have been going back through my old posts (before there are too many of them) and trying to fulfill my husbands desire for me to edit (or at least re read) my own writing. I have discovered an added benefit to re reading my writing. I get to hear what I have said with some distance and be affected by it. I tend to write like I talk. So I say something and before I can even turn around I have forgotten what it is I have said. I dislike this intensely.
YOU - "Remember when we were talking last week?" ME - "Yes" Y - "Well you know what you said to me about _______. I've been thinking about it and you know it really makes sense. M - " Really?" Y - "Yeah, could you tell me a little more about it?" M - "Ummmm, nope, sorry no idea what I said."
You see the problem. So the blog is great for me because it's down for prosperity. Wait, did I say that was good? Where is this going. Nowhere. That is what I have been thinking about again. Going nowhere, not running, just being, sitting in your moment.

When I chose to be an RMT it was clear to me that there was another road for me to follow. I eagerly talked myself out of that path without any outside input. Over the past 10 years since I made that choice, the road not taken has been sitting peacefully waiting for me. Now let me make this clear. The choice has been sitting peacefully, not me. I am not sure there have been more than a handful of moments like that for me so far in my life. So instead I have been running. Sometimes consciencly, but usually with my eyes shut. I do a lot of things with my eyes shut. Not smart.

Anyway. This decision or choice that I have been running from has begun to get restless. My running more frenetic. Tuesday. I stopped running. I have turned around and am taking steps toward the choice. Moving into acceptance that this road not taken must now be taken. Not really a choice at all actually. More of a sense of purpose, or as they say, a calling.

I am blessed to have managed to surround myself (at least thus far) with people who are not at all surprised by this change in the course of my life. I really did expect more challenge from them. Instead, they all seem to be sitting in it with me. Have I mentioned that I love my friends.

Later
Be

Welcome Welcome Welcome

My following has tripled in size. Yipeeee. So very cool right now I am feeling - and also it seems channeling our good friend and worthy Jedi Master, Yoda.

I am so tired and my butt hurts from upping and downing a ladder while hanging lights for the holidays. Pretty though. I need more, still looks kinda sparse. I love Christmas, but this year I am not feeling very inspired by the season so far. Mmmm too much sadness this year.

Be

Follow me!

Hey Hey Hey . . .

I HAVE A FOLLOWER!!!!

Thanks Lisa - the hordes will follow too now right? *sigh* though i am ecstatic to have even one.

HINT HINT HINT.

much love Be

Mache

I've just had a great conversation with Michelle.

There are many more conversations to be had.

I since then (have eaten lunch and) have covered 4 balloons with paper mache. While I was doing this I was thinking about our church. Specifically ours, but I think it works in a broader sense of the church as a whole. We are like my Paper Mache project. There are those of us who like things to be ordered. We dislike chaos and messiness. If such a person was to mache, I would think (and yes I am compelled on some level to mache in this manner myself) that their strips would be uniform, they would span the ball in a symmetrical pattern and be pretty even before the paint has been applied. Their process would involve gloves and a desire to get through the messy portion of the project so that they could enjoy the finished project. Neat and orderly. Looking for the perfect outcome.

Others, and I think children especially, will allow and even revel in the random laying down of differently shaped strips. They get into being gooey and make sure that the entire balloon is covered by overlapping pieces going in all directions. These creators are involved in the process and although desire a pretty outcome, get a great deal out of the process. What happens then is perhaps messy and less attractive, but once painted will look exactly like the ordered balloon.

So at the end of the project these mache'd balloons look very similar. There is however, a very big difference between the balloons. In the ordered, neat mache the strips have little contact with each other, and the contact they do have is with as few other strips as possible. Perfect and symmetrical but because of the minimal overlapping with other strips actually very easy to take apart. The messy version is an entirely different creature. The random and repeated overlapping nature of this balloon creates strength. Each strip connects with many other strips. Some long and other short or perhaps thicker and thinner pieces. This strength, this connection to each other is what we need to find in our church again.

I would love to have some of our older members remember what it was like for them to come into the church as young adults and want to make waves. What is it that now makes so many of then want to live in that neat ordered balloon mache project when they once embraced the messiness? Does it make sense to make the changes you wanted when you felt like a progressive move within the church was needed, only to dig your heels in when others came behind you wanting the same thing. Can they not see the fragile nature of this perfectly ordered balloon? No room for change and advancement within the church means we are getting weaker as we pass each other with little contact or room for the mess that change may bring. We need to get messy. Mache up to the elbows. Make all of our strips, as random and different and necessary as all the others, connect with as many other strips as possible, create strength. Create together a strong place to move forward through change. People need people in times of change. The more connections we make the bigger our support system and the stronger we become as individuals as well as, as a group. I don't know when change became a bad word, we must move forward embrace newness despite of how messy the process is. We are all working toward the some goal. A vibrant living breathing life, a beautiful balloon mache'd into (we are making giant Christmas tree balls for our outside tree) a piece of art, a church warm and welcoming and ACTIVELY LIVING.

Life is messy - roll up your sleeves and dig in

Michelle is "young and idealistic".

I think she is fantastic and I wonder why being "young and idealistic" has become a bad thing in the church. We have been following the same path for some time and as such we are dwindling. Might that suggest a new path should be embarked on. Mache people!

Love Beki