What a beautiful space to learn in. Lovely old, albeit,chilly building. I'll take interesting and cool over institutional and climate controlled any day.
The ad for this event said that this event often was the turning point to which people considering the M Div program decided it was what they were going to do. To me this implies that they left with more answers than they came in with. This is just not the case with me.
I am more afraid than ever.
The admissions requirements feel prohibitive - which is my own past selves fault.
The financial part feels unattainable.
The trip seems so long and so challenging.
I am scared that the internship is going to take me away from my family.
I am terrified that the settlement process is going to take us away from our home.
I am petrified that this means *R is going to leave me or that I am going to be forced to choose between what feels so strongly my vocation and my family.
I am so frightened.
But when I opened my hymn book for our first hymn I got the number right away. I cried all day (inside mostly but a bit on the outside). I ache to be there.
Yet as I am convincing myself that maybe I just can't do this, I making plans about talking to admissions this year about my challenges and see what I may need to do before I apply next year. I have applied for a side flex job which would allow me to pay for school.
I feel sick. Afraid. I am praying for help.
Help.
LoBe
Faith is all the help that you will need in your life, bekers. Faith that you are where you are meant to be be, both physically and emotionally, right now. Faith that your husband's shoulders can handle whatever load it is that you will need him to carry. Faith that your children will understand, and in time respect, the time and family challenges that this life choice will create for all of you. Faith that God has a plan and that you are but one mere thread in his blanket of love. You have that blanket wrapped around your shoulders every day right now, beki. Sometimes it will feel like a weight and other times light as air but it is there with you...as are your family. You already know that you are making all the right plans and you already know that you just need to keep taking things one day at a time, one call at a time. Just do what needs to be done as it needs to be done. Don't get bogged down in what needs to be done next month and just do what needs to be done now but don't forget about next week. I humbly offer that if there is anything that you need from me on your journey, you have but to ask and it is yours. Wrap a warm blanket around your shoulders tonight, draw it tight about you, and give yourself a hug from me...I am so very PROUD of you for....everything...just for being you. I love you. Ali
ReplyDeleteAli - I love you too. So Much.
ReplyDelete