Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Meatmares *Please read with caution*

Hello

Happy Thanksgiving.

Last night my Sister-in-law and her partner hosted Thanksgiving dinner. Ryan made Turducken. (This is a stuffed de-boned chicken inside a stuffed de-boned duck, inside a stuffed and almost de-boned turkey) And I had some. I have been smelling it for hours. I knew I would pay for it with a tummy ache, a few extra trips to the bathroom, and guilt, but I was not prepared for what else come along with it. I'll admit over the last year I have had a bit of a hot dog and a nibble of chicken, but never a meal.

Last night my brain went to places it has never been before. I always wondered what kins of brains came up with horrific movies like 'The Saw' and other things like that. Now I know. Mine. A little meat in a pretty Vegan / Vegetarian body and my brain went into uncharted territory. What followed was what I can only call my most horrific, graphic, explicit torture dream, I can't even say I've ever had since it's the only one ever. That being sad, EVER! Normally, when I hit that semi awake state after a disturbing dream I can work it to a positive outcome before I am fully awake. Not so this morning. Even though I got everyone to a hospital, there is no way theses dream people will ever be the same. The other thing is that the images which I saw so clearly in my dream are still very vivid in my waking and have been with me all day.

I am frightened to sleep tonight even with planting nice thoughts before sleeping.

If you are of a sensitive sort please skip this part
example: A bound man in his 30's (wrapped like a mummy in a fetal position. Top of head, genitals and bottoms of feet exposed. *excuse me while I cry but I have to get this out* Is slowly scalped as he spins in the air when his head passes by some men holding a small industrial buffer with a coarse pad on it. Needles are pushed and pulled into his genitals and the bottoms of his feet are skinned to the muscle. He is then unbound and forced to walk to a car. It turns out he is the son of on the to highest up in this group. Here I hijack the car to get him help.

I am sorry. Is there help.

There is much more to the dream than this, but this is what is playing over and over in my mind.

FUCK!
Be

1 comment:

  1. I totally sympathize. I have dreams similar to that pretty frequently when I regret doing something. Usually when I lose an animal in animal rescue, for months after I'll have recurring dreams about completely failing a group of animals who are then tortured and killed as I am crying and scrabbling and desperately trying to help them.

    I was a wreck for almost a full year after Lewis died, with horrific recurring dreams that I chronicled some of in my journals. Man, that sucked. But my dreams never feature humans. I guess you care about humans more than I do. No surprise there, though! :)

    I'm sorry you experienced this. Having experienced it frequently myself, I would not wish it on anyone, especially you.

    -Saskia Madding

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