A- HA!
Imagine finding out some thing that in retrospect you have known is true for quite some time, but have handily manage to forget after each telling. Imagine all of a sudden coming to a realization about yourself that you have denied (to yourself) for longer than you can remember.
A- HA!
I guess it would be one of 'those' moments.
A- HA!
So here it is. I'm fat. Not news in the technical sense of the word. Not news at all to anyone who knows me really. Or at the very least has seen me. Here's the weird thing. It's is, in a way, news to me. I knew it of course when I looked in the mirror. I knew it when something that used to fit didn't any more. But I didn't know it. Wasn't in denial, I don't think, but the truth of the matter is I generally felt just fine in my own body and didn't feel fat. So when I walked away from the mirror my brain did some gymnastics which my body is jealous of and managed to drop 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 pounds. MAGIC! Okay, so here is the problem - or, I guess the reality. I am now CONSTANTLY aware of my fat - ness. My tummy is now always in front of me . . . well, yes I guess that is where we all keep it, but mine is just, so, there!
Ugh
So that is what has spurred the latest and, as always, greatest attempt at reshaping me. Hmm yes reshaping. As in I'd like to lose a whole person and shape it into . . . mmmm, what do I want, what do I want . . . heck lets be generous with my extra person and give it to the needy. Seen a runway model in need of some extra padding? Anyone want some boobs or butt. "Oh My God Becky! Look at her butt. It is like so out there." A n y w a y . . . .
So, no I do not have a plan. I know that I am going to make a, um, motivational, nope crap what are they called. a piece of bristol board with pictures of things to keep me on track. They call it something, but in true form my brain has shut me out.
That is all.
Night
Be
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