Time

written in the afternoon today while having lunch:

It's time. It's time.

the goal? 50% off

Myself
My Spending
My Wasted Time
Eating out

It's time to live up top my own expectations. Time to pear down the things that clutter up my life. Time to eliminate the excess: me, stuff, spending, waste.

Time to change what I see when I look at myself, what I think when I think of myself. To change and be my own inspiration rather than looking to the outside. Time to be me, not avoid my true nature or think I need to to make up for how I look.

I have these amazing people in my life who have so regularly shown me that they see past the outside to the inside, and that they find the outside beautiful too.I don't know why I can't do the same for myself.

There are so many things that I want. That I could have. I just can't seem to stay out of my own way long enough to get there. I am considered 'successful' but I don't feel that way. That feeling of failure is 100% connected to my size. Logically that is completely ridiculous. I know that. However, despite the amazing husband, fantastic children, supportive family, loving friends and growing business the yard stick by which I measure myself is focused on my weight.

Remarkable
Stupid

Remarkably Stupid

Now, my daughter begins school in September and my son is well on his way to toddler-hood. I think. It's time.

Put my energy into things I need them to be in. Put my energy into me. Selflessly. I feel like my self energy has been selfish. Destructive, even if it hasn't been obvious.It's not even about not knowing what I want. I know what I want. It's about making choices that leave me happy and content at the end of everyday. About putting good things into my body. When I spend a moment thinking about what kind of punishment I have inflicted on my body. It's inhumane. There is no respect.

So I am standing (well sitting) before myself (ponder that magical move for a moment) and all (eight) of you and I am saying THANK YOU. My body has endured things it shouldn't have had to. It has protected me. Given me two beautiful (and sleeping) children. It has had enough. It tells me so with more and more frequency.

To my body:

THANK YOU
for continuing to move forward
for giving me the gifts you have
for requiring better of me.

The waiting is over.
The time is now.

Love Be