Anger

Hello,

I am so tired today. I spent an hour with a client whom I think the world of. The problem being that she is so angry right now. It leaks out of her pores. It is so hard to defend myself against her energy. When she leaves I am completely spent. I can not imagine how she must feel with this swirling around her.

So I encourage you to visit your anger. If you are in fact carrying any around. Is it productive or destructive? If it is destructive, find it's source. sit with in and get into it. I know that it isn't easy, but it is so worth while. Productive anger puts you in motion. It spurs you into action and will make your life better and hopefully the world as well. The destructive anger, it is the one you find yourself curled up in the fetal position at even a mention or thought of the 'offense' even months or years after it has begun. I say begun because until that anger and you have come to terms with each other it has not ended. At it's worst this anger renders you useless to yourself and others. You can't have a conversation without it coming to the surface. It enters your dreams and effects your work. The anger controls you.

I know. I do. There are long moments where the hurt of the past feels so real and so now that all I can do is hibernate. It is only coming out of that on the other side that I realize that the 'offense' has won again. I avoid the feelings of anger because they are frightening to me. Embroiled with violence and hate and all the things I want to as distant from as possible. In distancing myself however, I allow the 'offense' to maintain it's hold on me. I am new to sitting with my feelings. It is uncomfortable. I like to skim surface and pretend to get at the core but really, I've barely even begun to peel the apple. So along with this trip to veganism, comes a clearer imagine of what I want from myself and a greater ability to feel things. It is a learning curve for me to be okay with being angry. To know my world is collapsing and people aren't fleeing. That those moments of violence - Did I mention that there was a time that I actually walked through a plate glass door. Yup, smashed it as I walked through it. - the ones I know I am capable of aren't actually about being angry. They are about not being able to be angry. Not being encouraged and supported in those "negative" feelings. They aren't so "negative" when you use that energy for positive change.

Anger isn't dirty, but it can be very damaging. Mostly to the person who is feeling that repressed anger. Or I guess, not feeling that anger. Sit in it. Find it and invite it to the front of your mind and allow it a voice. I know I need to.

Much Love
Be